A 51-year-old “walk-on” coach (whether he walked on as a coach or coached walk-ons is unclear) for West High in California has been arrested for what seems to be pretty reasonable behavior.

Policeinvestigators don’t know why Michael Anthony Smith allegedly tied upthe four girls, ranging in age from 13 to 17, on separate occasionsduring the last year and a half, Torrance police Officer Dave Crespinsaid.

In a related story, I could be head detective at the Torrance Police Department tomorrow. 

“(Thestudents) allege that Smith has engaged in inappropriate activity withthem, such as putting tape over their mouths, taping up their hands andfeet, and handcuffing them,” Crespin said. “Thus far in theinvestigation, we’ve found no sex acts to have occurred.” [...]

Detectives arrested Smith on suspicion of false imprisonment, annoying children and sexual battery.

Wow,annoying children are against the law?  This is the best news I’veheard all day.  I can’t stand the brats in my neighborhood.  I’mtotally calling the police.